I’ve been waiting all my life to turn 21, because I had naively believed that being 21 years of age is synonymous with complete freedom and maturity. Sad to say, despite the 21 years of anticipation, the flutter of turning 21 is all gone, now that it has come to past. Honestly, it feels no different.
I spent the afternoon doing what I've always loved to- be alone and reflect. Of late, life has been rather hectic with all the replying of emails, church activities, meetings, planning for my 21st (well not exactly), school bidding, suppers, movies, shopping etc. In fact, it seems like the case the past 8 months. Time has surreptitiously slipped away (oh, what's new). I still remember penning down my resolutions for 09 so vividly. Alas, (didn't take me too long to realise) I've achieved none. How depressing. Haha.
I was seriously upset with myself for like 5 minutes. (Haha) Eventually, I snapped myself out of the extremely deporable state of mine, since it was my birthday and I didn't want to spoil it for myself. And so... I made a new resolution! Hur hur.
I want to be arithmetically incompetent.
I think one huge problem adults have is that we're too good with numbers- the number of times this person was nasty, the number of times that person treated me well, the number of times I did this for that person, the number of times I've fallen short. We're experts with the four operations of numbers. We're great at percentage and ratio. And, we're extremely sensitive to negative figures. (which we were not even aware of in primary school) We add. We subtract. We mutiply. We divide. We compare. We know statistics oh too well.
Too often, I find myself claiming that I wanna give God my all at altar calls but taking some back eventually when I realise, it's too much to give. But who am I to count my sacrifices to a God who has made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up His only son so that a wretch like me, might live?
Too often, I find myself counting up all my wrongs and trying to apologise my way back to Him. I wonder if it is even possible to count the number of times I've broken His heart. Even if I tried to be as righteous as I could be, I would still be unworthy, if not for His grace, isn't it?
Too often, I make too many assumptions about people and issues. I form my equations based on these assumptions and try to prove them. The strangest thing is that as we get older, we gradually get blinder to the impossibilities of the assumptions in our petty heads.
Too often, I find myself keeping score of what people do to me or to my loved ones though I claim to forgive them. The thing is, that it's too easy to hate, too easy to point fingers. The thing is, that anger gratifies you in ways that you cannot explain, and you hardly realize that anger demands sacrifices in return. The thing is, that resentment blinds you in a way, and you so often go wrong in the ways that you think you've been right. The thing is, that fury makes you forget. You forget that things don't have to be this complicated.
At the end of the day, nothing really matters. Numbers don't. Winning or losing a debate doesn't. Proving one's point right doesn't. Having a million friends doesn't. Who treated you right, who treated you wrong, doesn't.
What matters is what we give.
Cos' bitter, stingy and complaining people make real bad company.
I was seriously upset with myself for like 5 minutes. (Haha) Eventually, I snapped myself out of the extremely deporable state of mine, since it was my birthday and I didn't want to spoil it for myself. And so... I made a new resolution! Hur hur.
I want to be arithmetically incompetent.
I think one huge problem adults have is that we're too good with numbers- the number of times this person was nasty, the number of times that person treated me well, the number of times I did this for that person, the number of times I've fallen short. We're experts with the four operations of numbers. We're great at percentage and ratio. And, we're extremely sensitive to negative figures. (which we were not even aware of in primary school) We add. We subtract. We mutiply. We divide. We compare. We know statistics oh too well.
Too often, I find myself claiming that I wanna give God my all at altar calls but taking some back eventually when I realise, it's too much to give. But who am I to count my sacrifices to a God who has made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up His only son so that a wretch like me, might live?
Too often, I find myself counting up all my wrongs and trying to apologise my way back to Him. I wonder if it is even possible to count the number of times I've broken His heart. Even if I tried to be as righteous as I could be, I would still be unworthy, if not for His grace, isn't it?
Too often, I make too many assumptions about people and issues. I form my equations based on these assumptions and try to prove them. The strangest thing is that as we get older, we gradually get blinder to the impossibilities of the assumptions in our petty heads.
Too often, I find myself keeping score of what people do to me or to my loved ones though I claim to forgive them. The thing is, that it's too easy to hate, too easy to point fingers. The thing is, that anger gratifies you in ways that you cannot explain, and you hardly realize that anger demands sacrifices in return. The thing is, that resentment blinds you in a way, and you so often go wrong in the ways that you think you've been right. The thing is, that fury makes you forget. You forget that things don't have to be this complicated.
At the end of the day, nothing really matters. Numbers don't. Winning or losing a debate doesn't. Proving one's point right doesn't. Having a million friends doesn't. Who treated you right, who treated you wrong, doesn't.
What matters is what we give.
Cos' bitter, stingy and complaining people make real bad company.
2 comments:
very well said (:
a very thought-provoking entry (:
happy belated 21st!
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