God is my refuge

This post might destroy my entire reputation, but i hope you get encouraged through reading it (:

When I was down and out, all I wanted was some attention from my good friends and my family. I wanted quick remedies to the pain, disappointments and heartache. But the thing that kept coming to my mind was this phrase, "I am more than enough for you, Esther." Honestly, I didn't like hearing it at all. I brushed it off. But I knew in my heart, I didn't have the courage to sing that song. I didn't want to. For a moment, I felt like God was brushing my emotions off, trying to pacify me with some cliche verse.

I waited in vain, for the comfort I was looking for. I rehearsed the promises made my friends repeatedly in my head, and needless to say, I became even more disappointed and bitter. I felt so weak, so agonized. I felt like I was at a dead end in a dark alley, all by myself and yet nobody cared. (Before you open your mouth to laugh at how foolish and self centered I was being, read on.) What do you do when you're at the end of the road? Yup, I did just that- I cried out to God. I questioned Him, I questioned how true my friends were, I questioned why my life was the way it was. "Why can't my friends be here for me? Haven't I been there when they needed me?" (Don't act like you never thought of this! Haha)

In a still small voice, He said, "Trust in me with all your heart and all your might. Lean not to your understanding. Stop putting your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath." And again, He repeated those words He said the other day, "I am more than enough for you, Esther." At that moment, I felt so assured, it was unexplainable. He did what my friends couldn't do for me. He became my comfort. He brought me to His word, the truth, and it instantly lifted me from where I was. It was amazing. It made me see that, indeed only God is faithful. Only God is completely unfailing. And that if I kept trusting in man, I'd only find myself disappointed time after time.

I've been so unfair to Him. I've been so unfair to my friends. They're human and they're not God. How can I expected them to be there for me when I need someone? I should know well that there's been times I've let my friends down, times where I haven't been there for them as well. Cos its just not possible, being the limited human self we are? And no matter how we love, we can never love like He does. And that nobody loves me like He loves me. Yes, I don't love you as much as He loves you. Nobody can love you like He loves you- so unconditionally. And whatever you put your hope in today, as long as its not God, I assure you it's gonna fail you someday. Sorry but its true. Haha

Then why is it so that sometimes I feel like God is not really enough for me like He says He could be? It came to me, just now, that, could it be because I've been making God an option? That I've not made Him "my all". And if I haven't allowed Him to be my everything, then how could He be, my everything? If I've never placed all my trust in Him, how could I blame Him when I got disappointed? If I never allowed Him to be the source of my life, how would I know if He could really be all that I need? Woah, did I just say that. Haha

I've realized the need for such moments in our lives- times where no one else can be there for us; times where we are forced rely on Him completely. I haven't been turning to Him very much, perhaps that's why when everything started crumbling, I felt like I was losing it. And its precisely why God had to bring my focus back to where it should be- Him. I feel like I've been shortchanging God so much. He's been trying to come through for me, yet all I've been doing is shutting Him out. Who am I to even do that? He's the King of the Universe. He's God. God's goodness to me has surpassed a hundred fold than I can take.

I feel like I've learnt so so so so much through all these. I really wanna learn to be there for my friends. To love them more, so that they'll have less of such moments I experienced. Cos it's seriously no fun. To love Him more, cos He deserves so much more than I am giving Him.

They say, "Change is the only constant." I say, "Even changes change. God is the only constant."

"Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and He heard me. He set me free from all my fears." Psalm 34:5

"Even stroung young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will never lack in any good thing." Psalm 34:10

I can't imagine life without You, Lord (:

Well you already know life ain’t easy
‘Cause you’ve had more than your share of hard times
Been so long since you heard the sweet music
Or seen the blue sky
Feels like nobody knows how you’re hurtin’
And you’ve gotten so tired of hidin’ your pain
And you’d give anything to lay down your burden
And just fly away
Oh, but don’t go flyin’ away

‘Cause I’ve got good news
It’s water for the thirsty
Comfort for the weary
Good news
I’ve got good news
There’s hope and peace and freedom
Jesus came to bring ‘em to you
And ain’t it about time
Ain’t it about time
Ain’t it about time for some good news

All those talk shows and war zones in the headlines
Well they can’t come close to your chaos inside
So you wanna find a way to leave behind your troubles
And get off this ride
‘Cause it seems like all you’ve been hearin’ is condemnation
And the last thing you need is more shame
Well even your preacher says the Lord is out to get you
But He ain’t that way
Oh no, the Lord, He ain’t that way

‘Cause I’ve got good news
It’s water for the thirsty
Comfort for the weary
Good news
I’ve got good news
There’s hope and peace and freedom
Jesus came to bring ‘em to you
And ain’t it about time
Ain’t it about time
Ain’t it about time for some good news

(: