Last night, after receiving a news over an sms, my world crashed. It threw me into a whirlpool of confusion, and I can't stop the questions from coming. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop questioning God why. It all just didn't make any sense to me in anyway. I couldn't stop the tears. I was devastated. For once, I really didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think, much less how to pray.
For a moment, I felt so betrayed by God, like as if He had left me all alone by myself even though I have been trying my best to do what He has called me to do. But right at that moment, God spoke, "I will not let My Name be put to shame. I will not let you be put to shame and you don't have to make excuses for me. Cos I am big enough and I will make a way for them to see. Keep praying, don't stop believing." I was reminded of all of His promises. I was reminded of the very character of God. My leader prayed with me (thanks a whole lot for being there, j (: ) and I won't say that I got enlightened suddenly of why everything happened. Cos if you'd ask me now, I still don't have the answers.
But this is what faith and worship is isn't it? (Very very very hard. Haa) Trusting that in the good and bad times, He is still God.Trusting that everything will be eventually made beautiful in His time even though everything seems so wrong now, trusting that He is a good and an unchanging God. Worshiping Him for who He says He is, worshiping him like I would in the good times.
I finally understand that it wasn't that God didn't have the capability to save him from death, but perhaps, it was God's timing for him to leave. Why? I still don't understand. I can't see the bigger picture at all. But there are only three things I need to know. Firstly, He knows why. Secondly, He is a faithful and just God. Thirdly, I did everything I could.
For a moment, I felt so betrayed by God, like as if He had left me all alone by myself even though I have been trying my best to do what He has called me to do. But right at that moment, God spoke, "I will not let My Name be put to shame. I will not let you be put to shame and you don't have to make excuses for me. Cos I am big enough and I will make a way for them to see. Keep praying, don't stop believing." I was reminded of all of His promises. I was reminded of the very character of God. My leader prayed with me (thanks a whole lot for being there, j (: ) and I won't say that I got enlightened suddenly of why everything happened. Cos if you'd ask me now, I still don't have the answers.
But this is what faith and worship is isn't it? (Very very very hard. Haa) Trusting that in the good and bad times, He is still God.Trusting that everything will be eventually made beautiful in His time even though everything seems so wrong now, trusting that He is a good and an unchanging God. Worshiping Him for who He says He is, worshiping him like I would in the good times.
I finally understand that it wasn't that God didn't have the capability to save him from death, but perhaps, it was God's timing for him to leave. Why? I still don't understand. I can't see the bigger picture at all. But there are only three things I need to know. Firstly, He knows why. Secondly, He is a faithful and just God. Thirdly, I did everything I could.
"I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 You promised me and I remember that.
One day, we'll understand. But do we have to understand to believe? If you trust someone, why question?
Nonetheless, it's the hardest thing ever. Still, it doesn't change the Good News, does it?