Over, and over, and over again

Edit// My word, I didn't realise how long this post got.

Once again, I'm overwhelmed with awe for the God I serve. I don't quite know how to put it in words anymore. Cos it just seems like I can't thank Him enough, for His patience with me. I don't know, but if I were God I think I would have given up on myself a long time ago.

I don't understand human nature, I don't understand God's nature- how we could be such idiots with short term memories and how He could still love us the same, no less than the times when we were a little less idiotic. I can't fathom the magnitude of his patience. I can't understand how He can touch my life, speak to me, blow me away, time after time, even if I make the exact same mistakes for a million times, even if I forget all that He has told me the very next day. Even if He had to tell me the same thing that He loves and cares for me a zillion times, He would do it- over, and over, and over again (':

I find that my blog's a great self-checker. Cos I love to blog about every other thing, especially when I'm extremely high, or when I'm extremely low. And gg through my posts, and some of my drafts, I realised how erratic I am and how I repeat some msges over and over and over again. Nothing wrong with the latter, but I was just real disgusted at the number of times God had to pull me out of the (same old) pits.

I guess at the end of the day, the best thing (among the many many many) that I like about God is that He's unchanging and He is good ALL the time (no mood swings alright!). I can go through a day and experience the highest highs, the lowest lows- get discouraged by how others have changed, get angry and irritated at the way some people do things, get disgusted at this person that person, then feel bad for feeling this way, doing that, not doing that (the list goes on)- but I learnt something today: Why beat myself up over all these things? It's so tiring. (Reinforces: Extremely.)

I'm brought back to the simplest msg of fixing my eyes to Jesus :) I don't have to try so hard not to think bad of other ppl (I should try but you know what I mean!?), I don't have to try soo hard to be the nicest person ever- all I have to do, all I need to do, is look to Him. That's all. Every situation, every circumstance, every impossibility, every hurt, every struggle, every spirit of confusion, every bad habit, every negativity, every fear, every frustration, every feeling, every thought; I have an answer and that is to just (1) Shut up. (Haha) No need for explainations/defenses. (2) Look to the unchanging One. He'll do the job. But yea, I'm still learning too. To give literally every single part of my heart to Him.

Ohyes! I wanna share something with everyone! Heehaw. I grew up with asthma. Ventolin inhalers, nabilizers have become almost a way of life for me. In the recent year my condition has worsened quite abit. I wake up every day with an asthma attack :S Yea, tragic. Ever since the Reinhart Bonkke crusade, that changed. I haven't had a single attack since the start of the crusade. Every morning I wake up breathing abnormally (too good alrd! I actually feel weird). I am trusting that God has healed me and I give Him ALL the glory for it! (Rong yao gui yu shen! Wo shi chong si chuan lai de. Okay stop it esther!!! Hahaha)

And another thing! I was down to 12 bucks for the rest of the month today. It's not even funny anymore. I even contemplated to sell my phone and all that. But God is my provider. :) Mum stuffed some money into my hands when I got home. I never told her about being broke or anything cos I understood that it was my fault having spent my money the way I did+ birthday gifts. But when I asked her why was she doing that (acting like I didn't want it.Haha!). she said "God told her to." Though, it's only a few bucks, but it just goes to show how much He cares :') And it's not even like I can't afford to starve. I've so much excess fat la God! Hehe. But yes, He is so wonderful :)

On a side note, our very first region 11 service today was great!!! :) There seems to be a breakthrough in the atmosphere. It was a happy happy service :) Sis sandy's testimony really inspired me. She's been gg thru a rough patch the whole week and I only realised when she told me so, after I commended her for being so jovial during service leading tdy. That, is the joy of the Lord man :D

Tdy marks the start of my reading week! First paper on Saturday :D I am gonna (try my very best) not to squander the time I have on my hands and give it my best shot. I know I feel like I haven't been doing well for school but in the BIG BOSS I trust. Bigger than you, Dean's office. Lalala. Have a great week everyone!