The past weekend has found me in a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts. As much as I thought that my results didn't get to me, (it hardly does) but this time, it did. I feel really happy for my friends who have done well. :) No doubt about that. But I found myself questioning my own abilities (or lack of). I really envy people who are talented... Or people are good at something- whatever it is, just... something.
My self evaluation on Friday night just left me feeling like a total failure. I'm not much of a brainy person, neither am I good at any instrument or great at singing, I'm not the popular pretty girl material, I'm not rich, I don't have a (rich) boyfriend, I'm not the best leader /friend one would wish for, and the worst thing is that I am nowhere near the most spiritual girl around- I don't pray the best prayers, I don't read my bible for hours. In fact, my laziness and lack of discipline, my constant distractions and mood fluctuations, irk me so much. I try my best to live as right as I can, but only to find that I'm not really making it.
To sum it all up, sometimes I feel like there's nothing good inside of me and it's hard for me to accept the fact. Oh crap, I think I just failed Rosenberg's self esteem scale. :/Haha Sounds like some teenage identity crisis huh. I'm turning 21 soon. See, even my development is like abnormal... Sigh. Hahaha.
Sometimes, I wonder what God sees in me. Or does He even see anything beneath the mess? A simple word Yvonne said to me in the cab on sunday meant so much to me. (Don't think she knew. Haha.) But yea, it was about how God has His signature on each one of us. It doesn't matter what others say about us or even what we think of ourselves. Whatever the devil tries to do/say does not hold! Cos God has His signature on us and He sees us the apple of His eye, His prized possesion. It blows my mind.
My self evaluation on Friday night just left me feeling like a total failure. I'm not much of a brainy person, neither am I good at any instrument or great at singing, I'm not the popular pretty girl material, I'm not rich, I don't have a (rich) boyfriend, I'm not the best leader /friend one would wish for, and the worst thing is that I am nowhere near the most spiritual girl around- I don't pray the best prayers, I don't read my bible for hours. In fact, my laziness and lack of discipline, my constant distractions and mood fluctuations, irk me so much. I try my best to live as right as I can, but only to find that I'm not really making it.
To sum it all up, sometimes I feel like there's nothing good inside of me and it's hard for me to accept the fact. Oh crap, I think I just failed Rosenberg's self esteem scale. :/Haha Sounds like some teenage identity crisis huh. I'm turning 21 soon. See, even my development is like abnormal... Sigh. Hahaha.
Sometimes, I wonder what God sees in me. Or does He even see anything beneath the mess? A simple word Yvonne said to me in the cab on sunday meant so much to me. (Don't think she knew. Haha.) But yea, it was about how God has His signature on each one of us. It doesn't matter what others say about us or even what we think of ourselves. Whatever the devil tries to do/say does not hold! Cos God has His signature on us and He sees us the apple of His eye, His prized possesion. It blows my mind.
When I think about the heavens
The moon and all the stars
I wonder what You ever saw in me
But You took me and You loved me
And You've given me a crown
And now I'll praise Your Name eternally
The moon and all the stars
I wonder what You ever saw in me
But You took me and You loved me
And You've given me a crown
And now I'll praise Your Name eternally
11 comments:
i can easily list 1000 good things about you lor.
but dont make me do it. i need to study. hahaha.
hugs
so much love.
i can add alot more to that 1000 good things (:
you are so precious hun.
love.
I don't have 1000 good things about you though.
I only probably can tell you that everyone of our world will be empty without you.
Cheer up! You are precious to everyone of us.
yup! You have such great influencial power! See how you've successful changed me to be like you and your brother! hee.. =)
No matter what happens, just keep guarding your heart, mind and spirit. things happen to be make us stronger. so dun be defeated ya! We are always ready to throw a victory party for you! =)
haha its funny how i can see so many talents in you but you dont luh! and above all you have the talent to make people feel happy :) see how important you are to sooo many people! haha meet up soon kay? love!
you're definitely more worthy than you think you are! at least all your friends (including me!) love you for who you are and i even look up to you in some aspects even though i've never said it!
hugs dear, cheer up! see ya on monday love!
ohman you have NO IDEA how often the same thoughts come to me! but im beginning to learn that God does see someting very special within every one of us, just that we don't see the same things. His thoughts are higher than that of ours rmb? :) hearts.
I don't have a thousand things but only one-I wouldn't have been where I am now if not for you and you know that. haha. Be it directly or indirectly, you made a difference. So cheer up, my decade long friend. =)
hey esther! you are so good at doing so many things! dont look down on yourself alright! results arent everything, but im sure you know that :)
wah....so many ego boosters here :) haha.
you are many people's center of the universe. i think that says it all.
:'( :'( :'( I'm just blessed to have you all.
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