Two more days till this larva morphs into a butterfly. It funny how you can turn into "an adult" overnight. At 2359 you are still a kid who makes frivolous decisions, gets petty over trivial matters, where silly mistakes are pardonable. Come 0000, and a million more responsibilities and pressures add on to the field pack on your back. You enter this whole new phase where you have to make your own decisions, pay your own bills, find a boyfriend to marry, go for a missions trip, and morph into a settled-matured-no-nonsense chap. Is this how growing up is like?
If that's the case, I'd rather not grow up. In fact, I never want to grow old. I don't ever wanna be too old to have fun, you know? I don't wanna look at my kids playing in the rain and go, "Hey come in, you're gonna fall sick!" or be too old for an "ugliest pose" competition.
In any case, I have surrendered to the fate that perhaps, I can never grow older in other's eyes. I'll always be daddy's little girl who gets a million calls of "Where are you? Come home now." at 10pm. I'll always have my aunties who think that I'm their little lovely princess. (Seriously blind la, which princess so fat and big one.) But I've always wished that people would not treat me as some flippant mindless girl who has nothing better to offer than noise. Sigh.
I make no attempt to defend myself for my outrageous outbursts of peculiarity. I see no need (I'm lying) for me to display my intellect and maturity to people who can't really be bothered to know me personally anyway. Haha. But honestly, I think one thing about growing up, you tend to bother about what others think of you. As much as I can say how only "people who matter, matter", the truth is, others' opinions (whether I know them or not) bugs me quite abit.
If I measure myself against society's standards of "growing up", I think grew younger and older in the week. This week has been arguably one of the craziest weeks I've had in awhile. Never had so many things in my hands- mails, planning, recce trips, liaseing with different people, phonecalls, balloting, school, (task-based! haha) shopping. I think I have displayed more self discipline than ever. (Yay for Esther.) Throughout the week, I whined like a baby, made some imprudent decisions, listened to taylor swift and jonas brothers, and today, I messed up my entire kitchen. So what? Did I grow older or younger?
I caught "Up!" with awesome friend the other day. It was an animination film that I wouldn't mind watching twice in the cinemas :) In fact, it was one of the movies that evoked much thoughts in my puny brain after I walked out of the cinemas. It taught me something about growing up. If there was a central theme of the movie, I would think it's 'letting go when it's time to'. :') Ironically, it seems like young children have less on their shoulders most of the time than we adults who have our baggage that reek of grudges and of regrets of "could have beens", which we hold so tightly to.
Funny how many times, we're stuck in between wanting to be a recognised grown up and feeling homesick from our doll houses all at the same time. How is this growing up process supposed to be? I'm left in a state of bewilderment of being a grown up and trying too hard in becoming one.
If that's the case, I'd rather not grow up. In fact, I never want to grow old. I don't ever wanna be too old to have fun, you know? I don't wanna look at my kids playing in the rain and go, "Hey come in, you're gonna fall sick!" or be too old for an "ugliest pose" competition.
In any case, I have surrendered to the fate that perhaps, I can never grow older in other's eyes. I'll always be daddy's little girl who gets a million calls of "Where are you? Come home now." at 10pm. I'll always have my aunties who think that I'm their little lovely princess. (Seriously blind la, which princess so fat and big one.) But I've always wished that people would not treat me as some flippant mindless girl who has nothing better to offer than noise. Sigh.
I make no attempt to defend myself for my outrageous outbursts of peculiarity. I see no need (I'm lying) for me to display my intellect and maturity to people who can't really be bothered to know me personally anyway. Haha. But honestly, I think one thing about growing up, you tend to bother about what others think of you. As much as I can say how only "people who matter, matter", the truth is, others' opinions (whether I know them or not) bugs me quite abit.
If I measure myself against society's standards of "growing up", I think grew younger and older in the week. This week has been arguably one of the craziest weeks I've had in awhile. Never had so many things in my hands- mails, planning, recce trips, liaseing with different people, phonecalls, balloting, school, (task-based! haha) shopping. I think I have displayed more self discipline than ever. (Yay for Esther.) Throughout the week, I whined like a baby, made some imprudent decisions, listened to taylor swift and jonas brothers, and today, I messed up my entire kitchen. So what? Did I grow older or younger?
I caught "Up!" with awesome friend the other day. It was an animination film that I wouldn't mind watching twice in the cinemas :) In fact, it was one of the movies that evoked much thoughts in my puny brain after I walked out of the cinemas. It taught me something about growing up. If there was a central theme of the movie, I would think it's 'letting go when it's time to'. :') Ironically, it seems like young children have less on their shoulders most of the time than we adults who have our baggage that reek of grudges and of regrets of "could have beens", which we hold so tightly to.
Funny how many times, we're stuck in between wanting to be a recognised grown up and feeling homesick from our doll houses all at the same time. How is this growing up process supposed to be? I'm left in a state of bewilderment of being a grown up and trying too hard in becoming one.
3 comments:
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