Hello world, I hope I didn't leave you in a dangle with the major hiatus that's been plaguing this blog just yet. It's been 4 months. It has been so long I don't even know how to start talking about everything. So much has happened, so much has changed.
This semester's been a crazy one filled with copious amounts of readings and assignments. After spending bulk of weeks with sleepless nights, I am finally done with my semester. And more specifically, I am finally done with school.
After all the years of toiling through the system- from the thrills of buying new textbooks, crying over forgetting to bring an exercise book to finding pleasure in exasperating teachers and getting detention and punishments from them, to surviving thundering heart palpitations during short skirt spot check days, to praying daily for buses to appear the moment I arrive at the bus stops so I won't get late and get a booking, to having cheap thrills of seeing my eye candies in school, to surviving major exams by the grace of God time and again, to skipping lectures and abusing the grace of God sometimes (Oops), stressing over group project members who make me wanna swear, to rushing essays the night before the due date, to sleepover studying sessions, to trying to wake up at 5am to cram for exams (And failing terribly!), to the first time caffeine lost it's effect on me- and I'm done and over with it.
Its bittersweet to look back. Some memories you want to relive, some you'd rather evade. If I did my math correctly, it's been 19 years. (Gosh, it's such a long period of time that I can tell my net members, "I've studied longer than you have existed.") As much as it sounds sadistic and sick in the mind, I miss school already.
It is with a certain ambivalent poignancy that I find myself saying this- I sat for my last exam yesterday. My mind has been thrown into a complete pandemonium since the surreality of it all has worn off. This is reality, Esther. This is it. The day you've been (supposedly) looking forward to. This is the end.
One thought nags incessantly at the back my head, the very question I am so afraid of asking, one I don't have an answer for: What now? I am severely averse to changes and everything else that comes with it. If there's one thing I am most of fearful of, it would be change. All of a sudden, I am robbed of all certainty, I feel like can't count on anything because nothing seems to remain. I know it's time to move on, but where to? Leave it all behind and embrace new things with open arms. But can I, really?
Argh, such is life.
This semester's been a crazy one filled with copious amounts of readings and assignments. After spending bulk of weeks with sleepless nights, I am finally done with my semester. And more specifically, I am finally done with school.
After all the years of toiling through the system- from the thrills of buying new textbooks, crying over forgetting to bring an exercise book to finding pleasure in exasperating teachers and getting detention and punishments from them, to surviving thundering heart palpitations during short skirt spot check days, to praying daily for buses to appear the moment I arrive at the bus stops so I won't get late and get a booking, to having cheap thrills of seeing my eye candies in school, to surviving major exams by the grace of God time and again, to skipping lectures and abusing the grace of God sometimes (Oops), stressing over group project members who make me wanna swear, to rushing essays the night before the due date, to sleepover studying sessions, to trying to wake up at 5am to cram for exams (And failing terribly!), to the first time caffeine lost it's effect on me- and I'm done and over with it.
Its bittersweet to look back. Some memories you want to relive, some you'd rather evade. If I did my math correctly, it's been 19 years. (Gosh, it's such a long period of time that I can tell my net members, "I've studied longer than you have existed.") As much as it sounds sadistic and sick in the mind, I miss school already.
One thought nags incessantly at the back my head, the very question I am so afraid of asking, one I don't have an answer for: What now? I am severely averse to changes and everything else that comes with it. If there's one thing I am most of fearful of, it would be change. All of a sudden, I am robbed of all certainty, I feel like can't count on anything because nothing seems to remain. I know it's time to move on, but where to? Leave it all behind and embrace new things with open arms. But can I, really?
Argh, such is life.
2 comments:
back in action;
love.
Woooooo hooooooooooooooo! Rejoice!!! :)
Looking forward to see how your life turns out after this! Rock on Esther! :)
Post a Comment